If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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