we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
