Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
