I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
