I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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