just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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