Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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