it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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