This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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