put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize