i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
