Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
