Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
