I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
