YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
