she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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