Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
