how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
