my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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