I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
