I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize