sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
