apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
