she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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