We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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