1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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