She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just forgot I was standing up.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
