he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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