Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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