you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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