I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
