She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
