Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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