all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
