I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
