Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
