i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder