so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?