I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
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Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
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Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary