i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
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I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
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Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.