I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I love having hate sex.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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