Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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