I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
