I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I love having hate sex.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
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My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
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I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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