420 ftw
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
