Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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