They should really pass out barf bags in church
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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