guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
