I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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