i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
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Drunk walkin through police station. America
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
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Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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