my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
