Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.