We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.