you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
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She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
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he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.