I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.