so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy