yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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