I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
