dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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