Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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