# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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