You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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