apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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