i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
