aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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