I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I need to stop coming to work sober
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
